I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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