Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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