I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
