trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
