I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
