Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
