i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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