Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
