is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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