hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
