Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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