I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize