This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
