I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
