@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize