She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
