So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
