I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
