Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
