I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
