hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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