I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
