I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
