i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
