My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
