Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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