nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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