We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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