It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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