He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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