reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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