bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
