It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i think my tv is drunk
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
