Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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