Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
