her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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