I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize