dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
