He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
