Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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