But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
