i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
