this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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