apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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