I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
