im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
