He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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