At least make sure they are 18
Why
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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