Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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