You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
