The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
