you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
oh god was she eating orange peels again
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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