I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
