A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
