Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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