how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
