yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
