i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
