singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
