My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
