the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
