My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
