Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
MIDGETS
????
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize