Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
