So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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