come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
