so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
