I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Acid is not a monday night drug
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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