I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize