listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
