you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
