please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
