she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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