About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
