Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize