and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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