All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
