what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
