Your tits are I can't wait for
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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