i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just pee around me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
