Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
