do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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