i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
