right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
