Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize