I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
