I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
