Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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