Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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