i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
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