So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
