you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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