omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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