Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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