btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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