Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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