Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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