Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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