we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
