i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize