I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
