I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
