# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im holly from the hills drunk
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
