get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
