i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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