Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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