My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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