When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you traded sex for a burrito?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
