so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
