ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
