if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
