none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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