If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She needs sedatives and a leash
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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