I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
