just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
