My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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