god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
