Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize