Everything about him screamed your future.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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