Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
