The maid of honor just puked.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
