Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
