she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
