bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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