Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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